


12

by i_moony, OftheSea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Fluff, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mild Smut, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Post-Prisoner of Azkaban, Post-War, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-26 04:18:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6223588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_moony/pseuds/i_moony, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OftheSea/pseuds/OftheSea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of wolfstar one shots inspired by Adele's new album, "25".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sweetest Devotion- Sirius

_With your loving_

_There ain't nothing_

_That I can't adore_

_The way I'm running with you honey_

_Means we can break every law_

_I find it funny that you're the only_

_One I never looked for_

_There is something in your loving_

_That tears down my walls_

 

It’s late in the afternoon when Sirius barges into the dormitory, two prominent red marks on either cheek. James starts from his position, slumped over his History of Magic Textbook, cheek pressed hard into his fist, at his desk. Clearly, he’d been dozing off.

Sirius slams the door hard and James winces, cleaning his smudged glasses on his shirt. “Merlin, Sirius, calm down some of us are trying to study!”

“Look at my face!” Sirius roars. “I just got slapped by two different people.” He kicks his bedpost before theatrically collapsing on his mattress.

“Maybe you shouldn’t two-time them, then?” James suggests, perching on the edge Sirius’s bed.

Sirius whips his head around and glares. “I can’t change who I am.”

“I’m just saying,” James continues cautiously, “I’d be feeling pretty shitty if I was somebody’s mistress...or mister, I guess.”

“I thought he knew!”

“Sirius, unless you explicitly told Doug you were hooking up with Patrick on the side, there was no telling what your intentions were.”

Sirius covers his bruised face with a pillow and grunts. “I just wanted to have fun.”

“But I thought you liked Doug. And Patrick.”

“I did!” Sirius yells, muffled. “But not in the forever kind of way.”

“Not all love is in the ‘forever’ kind,” James reasons.

Sirius flings the pillow to James’s head and misses, knocking over an abandoned cup of water on Remus’s nightstand.

“So the reason you continuously pursue Evans, though she is clearly uninterested, is because you hope to one day temporarily ‘date’ her?”

“That’s harsh. I guess what I’m saying is... love is unpredictable and you should treat those you care about with respect no matter what your feelings are for them.”

Sirius looks at James, stunned at this sudden enlightenment coming from his just as clueless best friend. “Wow. I’m such a dick.”

He sits up next to James who pats his back sympathetically. “Yeah. This entire room is full of dicks.”

Sirius laughs, two prominent pink hand marks rising with each cheekbone as he smiles. Then he looks at James, almost pitifully. “Why can’t I ‘love’ anyone right?”

His best friend snorts unexpectedly and Sirius can feel his expression contorting into frustration. “Mate you’ve been loving Remus right since the day you met him.”

 

Sirius falls into a hypnosis of memories triggered by Remus’s name. Until this point, he’d considered his love for Remus similar to that of a brother’s. But then there was James and Peter and his feelings toward _them_ was different in a way.

There was something about Remus that completely enamored him. Something that made Sirius want to protect him from all the dangers of the world.

He remembers being a kid with Remus, adoring his dark humor, his brilliance, how he could empathize with the most lethal creatures. The complete and utter devastation when Remus admitted to being one of those creatures and the sleepless nights, staring at the full moon, wondering whether his poor Moony was surviving.

Then, they were older and everything was more complex all at once. School got harder, days grew shorter, and the devastation of the world around them was starting to seep through.

It wasn’t long ago when Sirius broke down in front of all his friends, scared for the fate of his relationship with his family, and it was Remus who held onto his hand while he cried, empathized with his loss and brought hope back into his future.

Of course James was his best friend, his brother, his confidant, and Peter was a good partner in crime, someone whose company Sirius sincerely enjoyed, but Remus was that one person who anchored him back to earth, whose adoration for Sirius could almost fill the hole of his family’s hatred.

 

Back in the dormitory, James is snapping his fingers centimeters from Sirius’s eyes.

“Hello? Pads, are you listening to me?”

“What?”

“I said he’s in the courtyard.”

“Who?”

“Moony!”

And Sirius is fleeing from Gryffindor tower.

He runs like the world is ending, like there’s one single purpose for the rest of his life and that purpose is telling Remus Lupin he is in forever love with him.

Is this how James feels about Lily? Like her existence is the only thing that keeps him breathing? Like her voice is a melody, her words a song?

He’s in the courtyard now, heart beating with ferocious anticipation. If Remus doesn’t share his feelings, that’s fine. All that matters is he knows. He knows Sirius would die for him, would do anything to see that shy smile, would kill to make his demons go away.

Sirius catches a glimpse of Remus’s tall figure in between two 4th year Gryffindor girls. “Moony!”

Remus turns and the 4th years giggle as Sirius approaches.

And the setting sun illuminates Remus’s bronze colored curls. And the freckles below his lip spread with his smile. And Sirius is standing next to him, now, on his toes, so he can cup Remus’s face in his hands, so he can kiss him. And he does. And it feels like his body is unfreezing, like fireworks are exploding in his head and every inch of darkness is aflame.

Remus’s lips are chapped and scarred but it’s the best kiss Sirius has ever experienced in his short life. He’d expected Remus to pull away but he doesn’t. Instead he wraps his long arms around Sirius’s waist, pressing into his hips, and Sirius can swear he hears Peter’s squeaky voice say, “what the fuck?” but he doesn’t care. All that matters is Remus, holding him.

Eventually, they pull away, and Remus brushes a strand of curly hair out of Sirius’s eyes. Then he smiles and says, “I knew it.”

 

_~L_


	2. Sweetest Devotion- Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin is not one to fantasize.

_And there is something 'bout the way you love me_

_That finally feels like home_

_All my life, you're my darkness_

_You're the right kind of madness_

Remus Lupin is not one to fantasize. He lives his life very much grounded in reality. He has spent months- years- forcing himself to accept the facts of his existence. The only things that wishing and hoping have ever brought Remus is disappointment. Well, except for one thing.

Sirius Black sits one seat in front of Remus, next to Peter Pettigrew. James Potter sits beside Remus, doodling a Hippogriff on the page he should be taking notes on. He’ll still get an A on the exam. Wanker. Sirius’s head rests on his folded elbow, his shoulder length black hair held up in a loose bun by his wand. A few loose strands dangle at the nape of his neck and over the curvature of the place where his shoulder meets his neck. His breath is slow and deep. He was asleep five minutes into Professor Binns’ lecture.

Remus traces the perfectly tan slopes with his eyes, imagines dusting feather light kisses there while his thumb draws circles again and again on Sirius’s hip. He imagines pulling the wand from his hair, letting the disheveled locks fall into Sirius’s eyes, only to be brushed behind his ears by Remus’s careful fingers. Remus imagines being close, so close to Sirius that his eyes can no longer focus on the sharp arch of his eyebrows or the smattering of sickeningly long eyelashes that rim his grey irises. He imagines pressing his forehead onto Sirius’s, the point of his nose rubbing against his cheek as he lowers himself onto Sirius, his elbows at the sides of Sirius’s head, framing his face.

Sirius stirs and shifts his head more toward the side, allowing Remus a clearer view of his face. His skin is soft and clear of any spots or scruff. He shaved this morning and Remus can still smell his shaving cream, he woke up with the scent enveloping him along with Sirius’s embrace. He imagines waking up this way every day. He imagines the flat he and Sirius will share after graduation, small and dingy but still _theirs_. He can see Sirius, sleeping in the enormous bed that takes up half of the small studio space. He can hear him laughing as he cooks them a dinner of pasta and red sauce, brews a pot of tea, watches the telly while laying on Remus’s chest. He can see their life together, unfolding in front of him in a way he has never allowed himself to before.

Remus never allowed himself to imagine his future. There was nothing concrete about the future, nothing to hold onto in case he stared falling. Life, people, the entire world was always changing. Remus had enough change to deal with on his own, enough pain. So how is it that Sirius Black can just- just _exist_ and the only thing he can think about is how far he would let himself fall if Sirius were only to ask. He lets himself forget how hard it would be to get back up.

“Remus!” James is mere centimeters from Remus’s ear.

Remus jumps, nearly crashing to the floor. “Bloody hell James! What in the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Me? What’s wrong with you? Class is over and you’re still sitting there staring at an empty chair!”

“What are you on about?” Remus looks around the empty classroom. Professor Binns stands behind his desk, giving the boys a quizzical look. Remus clears his throat, feeling the blush rising up his neck. He looks down at his parchment. He has written his name, the date, and the title of the lecture. Nothing else.

“Shit.”

“Are you alright Moons?” Sirius, who Remus had not noticed standing just behind James, leans over Remus’s shoulder and wraps his arm around his neck, letting his cheek press into Remus’s.

Remus shoves the mostly blank parchment into his bag along with his quill and ink and stands. He turns toward the door, forcing Sirius to release his hold, desperate to escape the gaze of his professor. “Yes, fine, thanks.”

Sirius chuckles quietly behind Remus. He quickens his pace, slipping his hand into Remus’s as they walk to the dining hall. He kisses Remus on the cheek, a smile diminishing its effect. “Whatever you say babes.”

Remus Lupin is not one to fantasize. Sometimes, reality is far superior. 

 

~M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed these first chapters. We are going to try and update regularly but we are in college so be patient with us. We just really love Sirius Black and Remus Lupin and we are convinced Adele wrote 25 about their love. This is a happy start but trust me this is NOT a fluff fic. Please feel free to give us feedback or message us on tumblr with any questions. See you soon!


	3. All I Ask- Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was going to get rid of the thing that hurt Sirius the most: Remus Lupin.

_I will leave my heart at the door_

_I won't say a word_

_They've all been said before, you know_

_So why don't we just play pretend_

_Like we're not scared of what is coming next_

_Or scared of having nothing left_

 

Remus winds his fingers into Sirius’s hair while they kiss. He lets his palm cradle the back of Sirius’s head, the dark curls spilling out all around his rough skin. It’s soft, this kiss. Remus stands in front the bed where Sirius sits, his legs resting on either side of Remus. Remus’s other hand cups Sirius’s cheek, his thumb rubbing circles just below Sirius’s cheekbone.  

 Sirius pulls Remus closer, fisting more of the dim fabric of his own quidditch t-shirt Remus has claimed as his own. Remus pulls his mouth away, resting his forehead on Sirius’s. They breathe each other in, savoring this rare moment of solitude, both separately cataloging it in their memories. A droplet of warm water falls onto Sirius’s face, startling him away from his own internal musings. He opens his eyes to find Remus’s still shut, tears rolling down from the pinched corners of his eyes into the wide grin on Remus’s face. Sirius brings his hand up to Remus’s face, gently wiping at the bottom of Remus’s eyes. 

He whispers to Remus while he wipes his tears, “Moony, what is it? What’s wrong?” 

Remus opens his eyes at the sound of Sirius’s voice. He meets his gaze, worried but still soft. He licks his lips, tasting the salt of his tears on his tongue. Truthfully, Remus hadn’t even known he was crying. He had been working very hard all night at not crying, actually. Because this was the night. The last night. 

Sirius didn’t know that. No one knew but Remus. It was Remus’s decision after all. To Remus, it could hardly be qualified as a decision. He knew what he was, what he was was doing to Sirius. He might not say it, but Remus knew. He knew that Sirius watched over him while he slept, waking him from nightmares with kisses and hushed words and promises too sweet to be true: “Everything’s ok”, “You’re going to be ok”, “I love you”. He knew that he carried around apples and squares of chocolate for when Remus was too weak to make it up the stairs, too tired and stressed to remember to shower let alone eat. He knew that Sirius was falling behind on his assignments, too busy running around the grounds as a dog every full moon to focus on the essay due the following morning. Remus knew Sirius was caring for him in too many ways. So Remus was ready to take care of Sirius now. Be for him what he had been for Remus for years. He was ready to take all the pain away, to rid Sirius of all the things that made his life difficult. He was going to get rid of the thing that hurt Sirius the most: Remus Lupin. 

Remus did not make this decision lightly. He did not care to imagine his life without Sirius, did not want to imagine him walking down the hall holding hands with one of the many beautiful boys that ogled Sirius daily.  He did not want to imagine him in anyone else’s arms, kissing anyone else’s lips, waking anyone else with whispers and sweet promises. Remus didn’t know if he could watch that, if he could live through it. What he did know is he did want Sirius to be happy. To be cherished and loved and taken care of in every way. He wanted so much for Sirius, he wanted something more than he could give. He wanted for Sirius someone who could love- who could live properly. Who could live a long healthy life telling Sirius everyday how much he was loved. That’s what Sirius deserved. Not to be a caretaker for this- this endlessly broken _thing._

Sirius would fight him. Remus knew he would. It’s why he’s been putting this night off for weeks. He knows Sirius can’t see what Remus has done to him, how he is slowly stealing the life he should have away from him. So Remus must be cruel. He must not tell him the true reasons behind his sudden change of heart (because he never had one). He will tell Sirius that he is selfish and rude and boring. He will tell him that he is a lush and a liar and that he is just like his father. He will hurt him so badly he will never even look at Remus again, let alone try and convince him not to leave. He knows this means he will loose Sirius as a friend, that he will probably loose James and Peter and Lily as well. But he knows this is right too. He knows this is always how it should have been. He should not expose people to the walking infection that is Remus Lupin, let alone to the people he loves the most. He can love them from afar. He does not need love in return for his own, he does not deserve any. All he needs is to save them. All he needs is to know that he did everything he could to keep _him_ safe. 

 

Remus looks down at Sirius, still a mask of concern on his face. He widens his smile, showing his teeth just a little. He leans down further to press his lips to Sirius’s. He brings both his hands down to Sirius’s neck, deepening the kiss. He takes another step forward, forcing Sirius to lean back onto the bed. Remus follows him down, bracing himself to the side of Sirius’s head so his full weight does not crush him. 

Sirius is the one to pull away this time, “Love, what’s the matter? Talk to me.” 

Remus feels the walls of his chest contract, sucking in air at the endearment, knowing it will be one of the last times the name is attached to him. He looks down at Sirius, vision blurred by a fresh wave of tears. “Absolutely nothing. I’m just,” his voice cracks, another tear falls onto Sirius’s chest, “so happy.” 

The smile Sirius offers in return is damaging. It’s a smile that could stop wars and win elections and make a sinner of a priest. Remus memorizes it for the fifty-seventh time. 

“Well cut it out yuh loon, I’m trying to seduce you and you’re real diminishing my self confidence with all these tears.” 

Remus chuckles, “Right, sorry darling. Shutting up now.” 

Sirius watches Remus for a moment before pulling him down to meet his lips once again. 

 

Later, when Sirius is sleeping and Remus cradles his smaller form to his shirtless chest, he plays with the Sirius’s curls. He winds them around his fingers, pulls each of them individually, buries his nose into their mass and breathes in Sirius’s posh conditioner. He listens to the thrum of Sirius’s heart and traces shapes on Sirius’s back with his fingertips. When he is sure Sirius is asleep, he whispers his own sweet promises: “Everything’s going to be ok”, “I’m going to fix it”, “You’re going to be so much happier”, “I’m going to save you”. 

He closes his eyes, remembers this, remembers what it has been like to be allowed to hold something so precious. He closes his eyes and promises himself he will wake up tomorrow and finally save the one person who has ever tried to save him. He closes his eyes and whispers his final promise, 

“Darling, I’ll never love again” 

 

~M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We really didn't mean to make these two chapters all about how terrible Remus's life was and how he never figured out how to love himself but like hey where is the lie. All we ever really try to do is make each other cry so sorry in advance for what's to come. We are broken people. lmao.


	4. All I Ask- Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow.

_“I don’t need your honesty_

_It’s already in your eyes and I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me_

_No one knows me like you do_

_And since you’re the only one that matters_

_Tell me who do I run to?”_

 

In the height of war, it’s hard to remember who you are.

Sirius Black hears the front door open and close and cringes already regretting what’s about to happen.

“Padfoot?” Remus calls, sending an echo through their desolate flat.

Sirius doesn’t reply, hiding in the bedroom, heart thumping, anxiety pulsing through his veins. Remus calls again and then enters the bedroom,kicking Sirius’s discarded motorcycle boots out of his way. Upon seeing Sirius there, unhappily perched on the end of their bed, his face falls even further from his already exhausted expression.

“What are you doing in here?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius answers vaguely.

It’s silent for a moment, a harbinger for a fight, Remus knows. Sirius can tell. He watches Remus sigh and walk over to open the window. Then, he takes a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and Sirius can’t watch him light that death trap and he’s already getting angry about the smell and he was already angry at Remus and the lighter clicks and he’s about to lose it.

“I thought you were done with smoking.”

“Well,” Remus retorts coldly. “I never see Harry anymore so it doesn’t matter anyway.” He takes a drag.

“Do you have to do it in here?” Sirius snaps.

“You’re not speaking so I figured I’d put my attention elsewhere.”

“Couldn’t go outside?”

Remus gestures outside. “It’s fucking pouring! What do you want me to do? I can’t control the weather.”  
“Jesus, Moony, you already have dreadful health.”

Remus almost looks hurt, “I can’t help that.”

“But you _can_ help running around with Death Eaters every full moon?”

“ _What?”_

“Come on Remus. I’m not an idiot, we all knew this was inevitable.”

Now he’s done it, Sirius thinks. All walls are down. Remus knows exactly what he means and Sirius secretly wishes he will defend himself, that he’ll fight back. But Remus stands still, the light of the cigarette burning quickly to the tips of his fingers.

“What did you ‘all’ know ‘was inevitable’?” Remus’s voice cracks when he says this. The cigarette is disposed with a flick out the window. He’s not defensive, Sirius notices. That means he must be right: Remus is a traitor.

“It’s in your nature,” Sirius says, easier than he should.

“What is in my nature, Sirius? What are you saying?”

Sirius is trapped now, and Remus knows. Even so, his chin wobbles slightly as it always does when he cries and he looks defeated. Sirius feels a lump growing in his throat. _Fight back, Moony!_

“Tell me, Sirius,” Remus says, “Tell me who you think I am.”

“At this point it’s not about who you are. It’s what you are.”

His tone is cruel and the hurt on Remus’s face is evident. He’s crying openly. As he retreats, the floorboards creak.

“I know,” he surrenders. Does that mean it’s true? Remus can’t be trusted.

A flash of rationality washes over Sirius and he briefly knows this isn’t true. Remus is Remus. He lives and breathes self-loathing. But this is a war and Sirius is responsible for the lives of three people and if he slips up, they’re _dead_ at _his_ fault.

Looking at Remus, shaking with tears, Sirius feels the worst pang of guilt. James would hate him for this! What is this war doing to him?

“But you know I would never _ever_ put my friends in danger,” Remus continues.

Sirius notices the wand in Remus’s hand and reaches for his own but Remus grabs his wrist. With their faces inches apart, he whispers, “Promise me one thing.”

Sirius swallows, waiting for the blow. But Remus presses his lips against his.

He tastes like salt and smoke and the kiss is sodden with goodbye.

“Take care of yourself,” Remus says and in an instant he is gone.

Sirius doesn’t remember his knees hitting the ground or when James busts through the door in horror with a letter clutched in his hand and his wand in the other muttering something about Remus and his talent with protection charms. Sirius doesn’t remember ever charming the flat.

James is speaking but he’s not listening. “Where’s Remus?” he asks.

Without answering, James hands Sirius the letter, ridden with Remus’s scratchy handwriting.

“I don’t know what happened,” James says. “But he told me to come here and check on you.”

Sirius inspects the letter, unable to read it through the sting in his eyes.

“He’s not coming back,” James says apologetically.

“So...” Sirius starts.

“We have to trust Peter.”

 

_“Let this be our lesson in love”_

 

 _~_ L

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u for reading!  
> Don't be mad at Sirius, he is confused.  
> :))) lol

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Each song will have two chapters- one from Sirius's perspective and one from Remus's perspective.   
> The timeline will be posted at the end as events are NOT chronological.   
> Feedback more than welcome.
> 
> Tumblrs- mothaesthetic (L)  
> firefranky (M)


End file.
